She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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