Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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