people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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