He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
