My friends, they love my intelligence
wanna go halves on a baby?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
