There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
