Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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