So drunk its hurt
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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