Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
