wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
