she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
