dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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