Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
