yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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