i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
