I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just threw up on my dentist
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
