These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
