Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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