No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
