you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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