woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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