yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
