have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
