So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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