i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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