i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
