i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
