You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You work out of a Hotel?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
