it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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