Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
