I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
