I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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