I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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