you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
