is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
