There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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