I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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