I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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