Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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