What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
