Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
