operation harelip BJ is a go
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
