i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I forget how to act sober
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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