Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
