He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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