I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
