I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
