Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
