I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
