I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
