it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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