She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
