i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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